DARE TO BE INDEPENDENT?

In a country that is conquered by other nation, people fought for her independence. People wanted to be freed from other country’s domination and have her own power. The conquered land is very hungry of breaking free and its people offer their life for it to be set free. This reality that independence is very important has been recorded for centuries through those histories of rebellion against land conquest. It generally applies to those who wanted to seek his or her own independence not only for selfish purposes but more importantly for self redemption and realization of what he can do to improve his life. Even single individuals chose to become independent when they already have stable jobs and when they think they can stand on their own. Something that is not questionable. Being alone and living alone per se requires strength to do more for oneself

Exactly a month ago, from staying at my parent’s house I transferred into a small rented room at the center of the city. It is not that huge because it can only house one bed good for only one boarder. It has a cabinet fronting the bed, just ideal for my not-so-bulky set of clothes. Beside the cabinet is a table fronting the windows. The room is very bright and warm. I can look out of the window and breathe fresh air because the area is not crowded with buildings though it is a rental region. I love the set up for it gives me ample view of anything outside, I can even look at the sky while lying in my bed. Maybe you will think, how is that small room supposed to comfort me? Well, for my own space and privacy, the room is just right. I wanted a quiet room for me to organize my thoughts while I am writing too. I don’t prefer a large room when I am alone anyway. All of the things I need are just a few blocks walk away for it is near the market and all the biggest shopping malls in the city is just easy to reach. Plus the rent is cheap which one of the things I considered. Yet I could not still get away with questions such as, ‘why did you choose to become independent?’ ‘Don’t you think you better stay with your parents since you are alone and have no kid to look after?’ ‘Are you sure you can live alone with all the temptations all around you?’ I just laughed at those comments from different people. They all comment the same line. But well, I can’t blame them. I do understand all those comments since in our culture a woman should not live alone when her husband is miles away working. Temptations can lurk anytime. That makes sense. That is if my aim in breaking free from my parents house is to do whatever I want. But that is exactly the last reason in my mind when I decided to go independent. I have reasons; reasons that are sensible that would be beneficial for me and my life and not just to be free for doing something that would ruin it. Call me the exception of those who does it or who have done bad things and I also consider myself different form those who ruined their lives by succumbing to infidelity. I am different from them. Loyalty and trust is what I value the most in a relationship. I am not affected as to what people think yet I still have to manage to deal with the matter and prove the purity of my intention.

Moreover, we cannot always live with our parents. Time will come that we are going to build our own life away from them. Our parents too are aware and expecting that time will come when their children will be eventually separated from their care. It is a process that should not be open for discussion. And since I got married, I know it is already time that eventually I need to go out from our house and learn to adapt to a married environment, with my husband. And since my husband could not stay longer with me because he needs to work abroad, I self-assured I will be fine living alone.

If before we are accustomed to have our parents and siblings around, this time I know it is very different. It is already a time of building my own life and I know I am on my own now. The only difference is that I don’t have my husband around or children to look after. I could not bring my parents with me when I am married. I should know now how to take care of my own self. When my siblings got married and have their own families, I was left with my parents since I was still single. And I guess, deciding to finally leave my parents house is something I have to do already. It is not because I want my freedom from parental dominion so I can do whatever I want without them keeping an eye of me but it is a decision I know would help me face my married life and experience how difficult life is so I can learn to deal with it. Leaving our parents is not easy since we grew up with them. But it does not mean our relationship with them must end too. For the sake of my own life now, if I have to be away from the people I get accustomed to, then I will seek my independence to discover what I could do to build my own.

From the time I have been living alone, I realized many things about myself and my situation. I admit I have difficult time adjusting from the beginning but I slowly got used at my set up. I always sleep and woke up alone, cook my breakfast and eat alone. When I am sick I heal alone. I go out for work and went home to be greeted by the same stillness and mess I left. I do everything for myself. When I cannot cook I will not eat. When I am lazy to wash my clothes I have nothing to wear. So by those things, I learned to become more industrious and learned how to organize my own time, budget my resources and weigh my priorities. I have to cook so that I can eat and I have to do the laundry so that I have something available to wear. I should not be lazy because there is no one else who can do everything for me but me. I need to have a recreation to entertain myself and avoid boredom so I buried myself with activities that would enhance my health and provide me with equivalent enjoyment. For me enjoyment does not only mean being with many people laughing, giggling and flirting. Enjoyment and happiness is found within us through contentment and satisfaction of what we do. I also immersed myself with the things I always dream doing since I have all the time to put it in action and I felt satisfied that I was able to do it in reality. Really, being independent, in my own sense of situation is not merely wasting time and money but it is an experience that money could not buy. And maybe, what I would like people to understand is that living alone,is not all roses and not a matter of breaking free for me to abuse my freedom but for me to have the opportunity to discover what I want and realize what I can do with my own life.

I have always been independent. Most of the time, I can do things on my own as long as I can but it does not mean that I am over too confident that I can do everything on my own but I also knew when its time to seek other peoples wisdom and help. Maybe it’s just the way I see things that every situation has a solution which I need to face myself before I would seek help from others. We were raised washing our own clothes and it is something we must do ourselves thus we do not have the habit of waiting for our mother to do it for us. And I believe that independence is one thing that every individual should learn for their own benefit. Not all the time that our significant others are there for us. People are not like cell phones that we can always carry in our pocket so we can always use them when we need them. We all have our own lives and we are individually responsible for what we want our lives to be. We can make or destroy our own lives.

Not all can do things their own way, for some are dependent, or cannot move without other people telling them what to do which tend to make them unsure of their own decisions. They are not afraid to face their own life as long as their significant others are always with them. But when they are left alone they become weak and they don’t already know what to do. Somehow we could not learn how to live without trying to separate from other people to face our own. In independence, we could appreciate how far we can manage our lives and how much effort we can give to it. It does not only mean freedom but it is a freedom that rooted from our aim to discover our own potentials, limitations and strength. It is another way of discovering our strength through independently doing things and making our own decisions.

Staying at my parent’s house, with everything provided is something that would just make me procrastinate so I stubbornly decided to live by myself—alone. And maybe by living alone with everything has to be done by me is something that at least would make a different turn in my life. I would like to know what I can do and what changes it will make me. There are objections I have to deal with yet made me more careful. I choose to become independent not to exercise my freedom to the fullest unproductive limit, but to learn how to be more responsible for myself and with life, to discover things the way I don’t see it because I am full of illusions that tend to blind me with facts about the real essence of life.

While working on my budget to buy the things I need, I feel somewhat burdened with lots of things to be considered. But after I have fixed my things and completed everything I need, somehow I felt relaxed. My diet was quite irregular from the start. For my first night I just ate a large piece of sweet potato which my kind old landlady gave me. I feel full maybe because I am still getting used to the room and the new surroundings. I also thought of an idea on how to make myself lean and healthier since I have all the time to experiment on my own.